Bathing like a pro! Cats, dogs and YOU!!

HOW TO BATHE YOUR CAT (Stolen Humor and tooooo FUNNY!)

1. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

2. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

3. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)

4 . Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.

5. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

6. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat. In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psycho ceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine. You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells a lot better

Grooming supply links.

http://www.naturesspecialtiesmfg.com/cgi-bin/index.php5

http://www.petedge.com/sdx/H17175.jsp

http://www.petedge.com/sdx/108360.jsp

Grooming your DOG: If you've ever bathed your pet at home and have also been to see a professional groomer, you may have wondered what it is we'd do differently or why going to see a pet stylist with a beagle, would be something you'd do. You can do what we do in your own home and if you invest in the equipment to do it, you'll save yourself money. Here are the TRICKS to making your dog look, feel and smell fabulous for not just ONE day, but for 2-3 wks.

What you need and I'd recommend
...
A larger fine toothed slicker brush, greyhound steel comb, for full coated breeds, grey dematting blade, nail clippers.
Plum Silky Shampoo, Quicker Slicker, Aloe Re moisturizing Conditioner, Plum Silky Cologne (All Natures Specialties products)
Fresh and Clean or PAWS are good colognes too. You CAN buy cheap shampoo at your pet store, but none are as good as Natures Specialties, in my opinion.
Cotton swabs and rubbing alcohol.
2 to 5 large towels, depending on your dogs size.
A Bucket, or shower spray attachment.
A safe, elevated flat surface, to save your back when trimming nails, cleaning ears and brushing.
A place to attach your slip lead when in the tub and outside too.
A High velocity force dryer, which blows out dead coat, drys, straightens, separates and makes hair feel soft.
Last but not least... a good back, cause bathing your pet at home, means you might be sore afterwards.

1. First you'll want to get cotton swabs and rubbing alcohol to clean the ears, Alcohol evaporates quickly and is a degreaser, to break up wax build up. Water in the ears will cause ear infections (never intentionally put water in your pets ears) and also try not to accidentally get water in your pets ears while bathing. You can pack the ears with cotton, or just tip their heads back while washing the top of their head, to avoid soapy water running into eyes or ears. Brush and COMB coat thoroughly. Trim nails, using diagram in earlier blog post. (This is called roughing in your pet)

2. Have towels handy beside your tub and one on the floor to prevent you or the pet from making a mess. A slip lead. A Bucket or a high power shower spray works best. Have your pet shampoo "made especially for pets" (NEVER use human shampoo, our PH balance is different and it will cause them dry skin, while pet shampoos and conditioners will leave our hair looking and feeling greasy) and be prepared to get wet! If you have something to attach the leash to in your tub, this is always best, but if not, you'll have to step on the lead, so that you can use both of your hands.

3. First saturate your pets coat with luke warm water, head last, because they will inevitably shake once you've wetted their head and sometimes that never... ever... ends. LOL

4. Apply shampoo in a long strip down the middle of their back and rub into their coat. Be sure to get it evenly rubbed in everywhere, especially around the most stinky parts... which are in the same spots on dogs as they are on people, just about. Full coated breeds need special attention payed their face and neck, because of drool and sloppy water drinking habits.

5. When you've finished. RINSE really well! Then... one of the tricks to making a long lasting impression. REPEAT these exact same steps again!

6. Applying a conditioner is optional, but it always makes a huge difference and you'll be glad you did, no matter their length of hair or the condition of their coat.

7. RINSE WELL... I can't stress that enough, cause if you don't your pet will have itchy skin and you shouldn't leave any kind of soap OR conditioner in their coats.

8. Towel dry as much as possible, before letting your pooch out to shake.

9. SECOND TRICK! QUICKER SLICKER... is a must have and pet cologne of any kind. Saturate the coat with both after towel drying.

10. Take them outside, tie them to whatever seems most sturdy (cause dog hair will be ever where, if you try to do this inside your home). Get out the high velocity dryer, look for a near by outlet and then force their coats dry, while at the same time brushing to remove dead hair. This is called fluff drying and if you take your pet to the groomer, always ask that they fluff dry your pet, because some groomers will skip this step and it makes a HUGE difference what your pet looks, feels and smells like. WET DOGS... when left to dry naturally, smell a lot like WET DOG once they are dry. LOL

Waaaaaa LAAAAAAA... You're done! You might smell like the dog did, be sopping wet, have dog hair in your mouth, pet shampoo all over your clothes, bathroom floor and you're a little sore, but your dog is all brand new again!!

Fun! :)

Blogroll Me!

Who's in charge anyway?

Pet Tips :As many times as I try to convince myself my pets aren't in charge, I know they have me wrapped around their paws (luckily I picked submissive breeds)... but sometimes this gets out of the human hand and can be a BAD thing. If you look up wild pack behavior and the subtle signs of your pet trying to prove their alphaness in your home, you'd be shocked to know that half of what we perceive as friendly PET gestures is them trying to prove they are in charge.

When your pet leans on you, shoves it's head in your lap, nips at you for attention, begs to be fed FIRST, humps your leg "ewwww"... these are NOT as simple, sweet or even funny as they may seem... once you know why they act this way. This IS ordinary pack behavior and their way of proving they are in charge. If allowed to go on, these behaviors can turn to aggression, especially when children are involved. Dogs do their best to make humans their pack, but we are in charge of the order. To resolve or prevent this problem, you shouldn't pet your dog when it solicits attention, without first saying... sit, (lay) down, shake (any command your pet knows) this way you have made it clear you're not petting or feeding them because they've told you to. If you have children, more importantly than YOU as grown ups, they need to be taught this, because if your dog does not respect children like grown ups, they will try to treat them like pups... biting them to teach them their place in the pack, which doesn't mean the dog is bad if it has no clue the order of things and if everyone makes light of it humping the toddlers leg. It's never excusable when a pet injures a person, but more often than not it is our fault, whether we know it or not and in most instances, it's for lack of us humans not knowing that this is their way of communicating with us that they are the ALPHA... Not US!

LOOK up your favorite breed before you buy a pup and know as much as you can about what you have, because all dogs are different, temperament wise... and buying a chow chow puppy because it looks like it's a cute cuddly teddy bear is just asking for a problem later.

Not really wanting to pick on any particular breed... I will anyhow, because unlike some this one has maintained a disposition that makes it the only breed I wont groom. Over 90 % of stylists WONT touch a Chow Chow and even the vets with tranquilizers will send them away... saying so thoughtfully "find a pet stylist who will", when the owner says they've been told NO by 5 other pet grooming shops. If you have a Chow, you must learn to groom them yourselves, because the breeders have chosen to NOT breed out the aggression that makes them unacceptable by most people who'd pride themselves on accomplishing such a task.
It is totally up to breeders what the dogs maintain as far as their personality is concerned. With Dobies, Rotts, Boxers, English Bulldogs, and even some Pits, the aggression has been removed and most noticeably in the breeds well known for it, like Dobermans that were bred for the purpose of protecting us and had a reputation that was wicked a decade or so back. They are now a much tamer version and a much safer one for the strangers they encounter.

I personally am not afraid of any breed besides the Chow Chow. Pits are awesome pets and I'd defend them whole heartedly, because I've never met a people aggressive pit. Pits are known for their aggression towards other small animals and they were bred to be this way. Anyone owning a pit should not have children or other pets and if they do, it's only pure human ignorance that is making innocent animals get put to sleep on a daily basis and also the breeders who insist on maintaining this as one of the breeds negative features, all of which can be bred out by choosing to breed 2 non aggressive pits repeatedly, rather than the 2 most aggressive.

Sit... Stay.. and Shake

Select an UGLIEST dog wallpaper for your desk top with the Animal Planet link below! I chose Elwood, who is up top and I ummmm... think he's truly the most ADORABLE ugly dog I've ever seen! LOL

http://animal.discovery.com/convergence/ugly_dog/wallpaper/wallpaper.html

Ohhh... I'm so very THRILLED! I sent ALL of my pet pics to "Who Let The Dogs Out" and so some of my puppy pics are there as well now! Fanny Mae's daddy needs to know she's on 2 seperate blogs now. She's such a CUTY and was chosen by them TWICE out of a large group of dog pics! Here's the link and make sure you check out the "Dog Burgular" video at the bottom of the page, cause that's a real riot!

http://whosletthedogsout.blogspot.com/

Things Dogs Must Try To Remember....

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.My head does not belong in the refrigerator

Some of my groom babies talk to me! Briggs is a coonhound, who has a brother named Rufus, an adorable Bassett hound. You can't miss em when they are at Happy Tails and I'm sure rabbits for miles go into hiding, because these 2 boys were born for the hunt and make sounds that carry super long distances! LOL

Howwwwwwwuuuuuuuu.... are YOU too???? This is Duke, one of my most talkative boys and he asks all day long howwwwwuuuuu I'm doing. This is an Alaskan Malamute mix, with a much needed shave down. Why they added "mute" to the breeds name has to be humorous I think, because this breed... along with the huskies, is never MUTE. LOL

I took these shots at work the other day. Little Fanny Mae is a client of mine. She's 16, in perfect health and is one of the happiest little girls!

I always LOVE seeing her, so I'll share her with you all as well!

Now.. for a GROOMING tip!!

This might be the ugliest drawing of a dog's paw I've ever seen... but hopefully you'll get my point and not so much of theirs, if you cut according to this funny looking picture.

Always keep Quick Stop handy (you can buy it at any pet store) or Baking powder, just in case you miss and quick the vein that is just behind the curve in the diagram above.

Most dogs will put up a little battle when trimming nails. Some will even SCREAM at the top of their lungs like you've ripped their foot off and you haven't touched them with the nail clippers yet... but this is not unusual and your dog is not really bad. The most important thing to remember when trimming your pet's nails is do NOT LET GO, DO NOT GIVE IN especially not because they've yanked or screamed, but if you are going to give up, WAIT till they've stopped pulling, or they will think that doing those sorts of things was the reason that you stopped. This means they will do it EVERY TIME expecting the same outcome and that's not what you want them to learn.

Most dogs know their owners so very well that they act even worse with them then they do with an unpredictable stranger they've never met, in an unfamiliar place, because they aren't certain what's happening and so your pet may be 100 times better for their groomer then they are when you attempt it. This shocks lots of people and the dogs too, when they meet someone who isn't afraid of them and doesn't listen to their arguments. It's important that you convince them you aren't afraid of them, you are boss and you'd never hurt them.

If you seem at all jumpy or nervous, dogs can sense it and they read that as a feeling of guilt or a plan to hurt them. Dogs can't understand human language, but read our body language extremely well, so if you seem even slightly unsure; holding their paw for too long and act as though you believe that your own pet would bite you, you've made them wonder why they should trust you, since it's obvious you're worried.

Keep yourself calm and confident and they will be more likely to cooperate with your efforts.

So much for getting to the point quickly! HeHe! :)

Todays BLOGS ON DOGS!

At work, Nov 15th 2006... The groom dogs for the day are mesmerized by a dog biscuit, and they are all mine!

PET HUMOR... A DOG Haiku!

I love my master;
thus I perfume myself with
This long rotten squirrel.

I lie belly up
In the sunshine, happier than
you will ever be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog Butts- I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy-come to kill us all-
LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!

I Sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend- come to kill us all-
LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!

I sound the alarm!
Meter reader-come to kill us all-
LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage Man- come to kill us all-
LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!

I lift my leg and
Wiz on a bush. Hello, Spot -
sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well
Maybe catching cats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much as I do.

Dig under fence - why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more - I call
Them a vocation.

My owners mood is
Romantic - I lie near their
Feet. I blow a big one.

(anonymous) and aren't dogs DEEP?

Some dogs have normal, sane... groomers and are just naturally adorable, like little Edgar and Dillan, who belong to my noonatic friend, Jimbooo... who is in the business of selling dogcaps and runs a shelter in Texas.

MY GREEN QUEEN!

Getting Ready to head to "Bark In The Park",

at Purina Farms, in Mo.

Pet tips for the day

TRICKS : Does your dog walk you? Simple trick... attach leash like you normally would to your pets collar, then slide the length of the leash around the underside of your babies tummy, slipping the leash back through it's self to form a figure 8. This prevents your dog from pulling on the leash, but until they get used to this "watch out", because the natural instinct for them is to then back up... sometimes taking out the unsuspecting knee caps. LOL

HEALTH : Dogs are not people! Chocolate, chicken bones, whole chunks of beef, can make your pets terribly sick and can, in the worst case scenario be fatal. Some dogs can not properly digest large amounts of meat. If you notice diarrhea or vomiting, these are signs of a possible pancreatitis attack, in which case the fluids that would normally digest the food they've consumed, spills out into the stomach instead. Sometimes this goes away unnoticed, other times it requires a vet visit. Spoiled dogs eat dog biscuits, not chicken bones, which can splinter in their stomach and be fatal... so be smart about what you're giving your babies. They trust you to know what's best!

GROOMING : There is no such thing as over bathing your dog, unless you're doing it multiple times in one day. Dry skin is caused by lack of moisture in the skin and just like people who suffer dry winter itch, pets need conditioners to prevent it. These conditioners do not work in just one visit, or application, just like lotion on people does not cure the problem unless it is used on a daily basis. The dandruff will return. Itchy skin, allergies and dandruff, require MORE baths and applications to treat the problem. Dogs who are allergic to pollen, fleas or anything that can be found on the skin, need the problem washed away, just like people should wash their hands after handling poison ivy. The only time baths can cause dandruff, is if the dogs aren't properly rinsed, leaving soap residue, or using products that dry the skin, such as the really cheap grooming salons that save themselves money washing your pet with dawn dish detergent... a degreaser that will damage your pets skin and coat.

Have you hugged your fur baby today??? :)

FLASHY FLASH BACKS... a day in the life of my dogz!

Above pics were taken from Easter, 2003. Tillie all done up in her purple pazazzzz!!

This shot was taken in front of our house before we headed to the big event!

She WON 1st place in this costume contest Sept. 18, 2002, 3 days before my birthday.

At home, Tillie says hellllloooo to my nephew, Dominic, while "Tuck" our beagle licks my leg. Awwwww LOL

Our time on the run way was FUN!

In most of these shots, I was making strange faces, expecting Tillie to try undress herself again, cause she wasn't liking the wings as much as mom. LOL.

Wild Dog Dayzzzz!

I was so thrilled when a customer brought in this clip, which originated in St.Louis, Missouri, but made it all the way to Canada!!! (I also heard it made it to Michigan and Florida!)

This lady isn't me and I didn't color her pooch, BUT... it was the duplicate article printed here, where Tillie and I got our 15 minutes of fame for her being such a stunner! It was so much FUN and now I can call her paper trained... He!He! LOL

This one above, was my attempt at sumten... I was originally thinking PONIES and started growing her a horses mane. You can do ANYTHING with poodle hair, but you have to have good ideas first and be able to cut that pattern into the hair. LOL
She wears a signature heart, that I got pretty good at. Now I need to work on other patterns.

This is her as my "SUNSHINE GIRL" and boyyyy did she ever glow!!

This is MiMi, my girl "Tiilie's" twin and my client, Sandy's baby!

They are practically identical and Mimi stays colored through out the entire year!!

Above is Mimi again and I was going for a flamed out look. She's such a pretty girl, even when she's sticking out her tongue. LOL

MORR... MORR... MORR... and please don't SNORE... is a MUST!

For The Love Of SLEEP... shhhhhh...

Please "roll on over"...

"GIVE THEM BLANKETS BACK"

Stop the snoring, Rover

Give my ears some slack!

The beagle does,

Hubby does too!

Kitty Cat is jealous...

Whistle Wheezes,

a nose of wetness... "ewwww"

Pillows on my ears,

fans on highest high...

switching pillows here,

let's give this a try!

"Whatcha Doing?"

"ROLL OVER PLEASE!"

"I'm NOT snoring!"

"Ohhhh... COME ONE... Jeez!"

ALL I WANT IS SLEEP

Blankets I can keep,

cat to stop droolin,

all the crazy foolin!

Dogs snortin, gruntin...

can't help but want to moan.

All the yankin, tuggin...

GOTTA LOVE THAT BED ALONE!

(wriiten by Cassie Morr, for anyone who thinks KING SIZE is still toooooo small!) LOL

My earlier blog post looks incredibly tiny, it needs to be up sized to KING size for sure, but I'm not sure how to do that to an entire page without starting it over?? Hmmmmm...

Today's tips on pet health and grooming...

Health : Hide your dish towels... supervise your pets with toys that can be ripped apart and eaten. It can be life threatening to them if they swallow parts or whole pieces of cloth.

Grooming : Before bathing your pet, always be sure all tangles, matts are thoroughly brushed and then COMBED out. Bathing an already matted pet will only make removing the matts more difficult and it may require them to be shaved later!

I'm going to head to www.peternoone.com to visit my friends there in chat. If you like Herman's Hermits, check it out. See you there!

This first day dedicated to dog lovers everywhere!

This pic, just above is of my girl "Tillie" and my clients pets "MiMi" and "Lacey", who have been all the colors of the rainbow and have been featured in the St.Louis Post Dispatch, the Canadian press, Suburban Journal, the Apa's newsletter and even made it on the channel 2 news!

"Ohhhh... I am a very proud MOM! Tillie puts up with my antics, because she can stop traffic!"

As a pet stylist... and lover of all creatures furry (besides men with hairy chests) I thought I'd start a blog to hopefully humor, educate, and infiltrate pet enthusiasts everywhere! My FUN blog will include pet pics, jokes, pet poetry and tips on pet health and grooming. Also because I sometimes love other stuff too, it may have links to fun sites... like my very favorite http://www.peternoone.com/ , where Peter Noone, of the Herman's Hermits shares his blogs, chats with his fans and has taught me great words like... "guffaw"... which is something I do at his site a lot. In sharing my many interesting pet and people experiences I hope you'll feel the guffaws too!

This grand inspiration came to me today when I went to look up some very funny Groomer Humor at Groomer to Groomer and left giggling! Most people think groomers just play with their dogs all day long and don't realize it's a job that involves tug a war, wrestling, and sometimes even boxing. If I ever have a black eye... your dog probably did it with his foot, cause he was happy to finally see a person "ME" at eye level and was begging for a nail trim last year.

I think all people should know the behind the scenes routine of visiting their Pet Stylist... part of the NEW FASHION industry, because we can beautify even the scruffiest, ruffiest of hounds and you'd be shocked to know... we control a great deal of pricing based on your AT HOME attempts at managing a brush and a comb. This is where the humor hits, because most owners will swear up and down that they just brushed their dog and any shaving would make it ugly, when they bring in a dog who's coat has clearly (at just one glance) turned to dread locks and it can no longer see through the blinders, called matts and what did they just say "But.. but.. my dog will look UGLY"!




Who's going to tell these proud parents, "uhhhhhmmm... Ma'am, Miss, Sir, have you looked at your dog lately? Let me look through those rose colored glasses and check your prescription, cause it must of been your neighbors dog you brushed? No offense"?!

We can't ever come out and say this stuff, so we just choke it back under our breath and try to explain that brushing to the extent that their dogs need it would be severely traumatic and ruin the grooming experience, while they worry cause their dog is shaking in their arms and reluctant to visit another groomer who would dare to follow the owners requests. Once again.. this only being obvious to US "the Groomers" and the frightened pooch who does it's best to say "mom... dad... please don't make me" and "BALD is better! Really!!"

This tid bit of knowledge I'm sharing is to help encourage pet owners everywhere to look at their pets hair, kind of like they would their child's and to take the job of brushing as something you can not procrastinate till next week, but something that should be included in your daily ritual... unless you really want them shaved or bruised from the long over due and procrastinated brushing that dogs don't quickly forget.

If you have any questions about grooming, about pet care, different breeds or any questions about pets at all, I'd love to share some of what I have learned over the years here. This blog is not intended to offend or to insult, since I haven't met you or your dog and can't tell how well you've done so far in the area of brushing. The reason for this blog is to SAVE you money and to make you and your pet's grooming experiences pleasant. I'll call this the TAIL END of my first blogs on dogs entry and hope you enjoyed it!!